Breast Cancer Awareness

As we all know, October is breast cancer awareness month. Screening and early detection can help to save lives. As an Oncology Nurse I am all too familiar with educating patients as well as the community on early detection and breast screenings.

Last week I went for my annual GYN follow-up. Everything was going well, we were chatting about life. She had me lay back for her to do my breast examination. As she was doing her exam she looked down at me and frowned, “what’s that?” she asked. I placed my hand over the area she was referring to and my heart immediately sank into the pit of my stomach. What I felt was a small lump, less than the size of a pea. I wiggled it around with my finger and just stared at my doctor.

“With your strong family history, we’d better send you for an ultra sound-just to make sure.”

For those of you who don’t know, my mom is a breast cancer survivor. 10 years strong. She immediately flashed in my head, her journey through surgery, chemotherapy and recovery. I felt my anxiety slowly creep up. A lump formed in the back of my throat. She finished up the exam and handed me information to schedule the ultra sound. As I walked to my car I tried to keep it together. All of the “what if’s” started running through my mind. Anyone who is in the healthcare profession knows you are your own worst enemy. It is so easy to convince yourself of the worst because of all that you see during your work day. I immediately called my husband at work and told him what happened. As I slowly broke down on the phone he was there to pick me back up and calm me down. “We won’t know anything until we get the scan,” and “it is going to be okay” were a few of the things I remember him saying to me, through my tears. After I calmed down, I called my mom. I once again broke down not only for myself but for everything that my mom has gone through, feeling guilty for crying about the possibility of cancer, when she has lived through it. She stayed positive and said “it’s probably nothing but they want to make sure”.  She talked to me until I arrived at work. Urged me to schedule the scan sooner rather than later. Before we got off the phone, she said something that resonated so much with me. “Have a good day, your patients need you.”

As a nurse, we are so much more to our patients then just their nurse. We are an advocate, friend, and confidant. When we are having a rough day, our patients can tell. A lot of times we need to leave our baggage at the door because let’s face it, what we are worried about is so minuscule compared to our patients’ daily battle with cancer and pumping chemotherapy into their bodies. So, I checked it at the door and tried to focus on my day.

The ultra sound was scheduled for Friday so I had to wait 2 days to have answers. During this time, I continued to play all the scenarios out in my head. I hoped and prayed that it was benign (normal). But also tried to prepare myself for if it was malignant (abnormal). I am a thirty-year-old woman, is my reality really going to be that I have cancer? My kids need me, my husband needs me. I continued to pray that all would be okay.

I planned on going to my appointment by myself as my husband had to work. My sister offered to go with me and I declined. I didn’t want to be a burden or waste her time. She pushed and continued to offer to come with me to which I accepted. To be honest, I was relieved to have someone there with me. To wait with me as I learn my fate.

As I walked into the waiting room I could feel my heart almost beating out of my chest. I looked around the room full of people. My anxiety was in full swing. I felt sick to my stomach waiting, and just couldn’t sit still. My sister did a good job of redirecting my attention. Talking about everything BUT why we were here. The tech called me back and took us to a room where the ultra sound machine was waiting for me. She handed me a gown to put on and she left the room. I put it on and sat on the exam table waiting anxiously for her to return, I was ready to find out.

I laid down and opened the gown. She had me touch the area of concern and she proceeded to place the ultra sound wand over it. A minute of silence as she ran the wand over the area. I turned my head as far as it can go to watch the monitor for what would show up. (The past few days I research what benign cysts look like vs malignant tumors.) But I couldn’t see anything. The tech continued to look and take pictures of the area. She had me sit up and wait while she took the imaging to the radiologist for review. When she returned, after what felt like was an hour, she stated that the imaging came back normal. My sister and I glanced at each other. Unspoken between us, questioning how can I feel a lump and it doesn’t show on the imaging. The tech then asked if I would like to proceed with the mammogram. I nodded and said yes. We did some more waiting until the mammogram machine was available. Another tech called me into a cold room where the dreaded machine awaited. She explained the procedure and wrapped a lead apron around my waist. I stood in front of the machine while she manipulated each breast putting them between two plates. The top plate is weighted to help compress the breast tissue. “Stay very still,” she said each time she took the x-ray. 20 pounds of weight sitting on your chest is not the most comfortable thing in the world, however I imagined a mammogram to be much worse. She took multiple images at different angles. And then it was over. The waiting game continued as she sent me to the tiny locker room space with a seat to again wait until the radiologist reviewed the images. At this point I couldn’t breathe. Sitting in this small area I felt hot and claustrophobic.  I was so over waiting. We had been at the imagining center for almost 2 hours now.

Finally, the mammogram tech came out and said that the mammogram was normal, no sign of any abnormality. We were free to go. Relief washed over me, I could finally breath. I was going to be okay. I immediately texted my husband the good news and my sister texted my mom. The relief was felt all around me. I was so thankful to walk out of that office with good news. The cold, fresh air hit my face and I smiled. Feeling extra thankful.

I learned that my breast tissue is very dense, meaning I have more supportive tissue than fatty tissue. The lump that was felt is part of that dense tissue. Now I have a baseline mammogram that my doctor can refer to in the future for any changes. Breast screenings are vital for us ladies. Know your ta-tas! While the screening is an uncomfortable process for many reasons, it can save your life.

For many women their screening results go the other way. I am thankful for my results and am blessed to have such an amazing family and support system . As an oncology nurse, this experience will help my compassion and empathy grow for my patients.

Happy Breast Cancer Awareness Month!